You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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