"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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