I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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