we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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