i permit you to call me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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