Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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