Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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