Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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