are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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