If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize