I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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