i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
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just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
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What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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