dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
