There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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