well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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