I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
