no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize