Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
