Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
