i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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