One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
