Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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