I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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