you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
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I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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