Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
