I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.