then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.