I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
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just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."