When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples