I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
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I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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