I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?