you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
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It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!