omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
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Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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