think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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