clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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