You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
