Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm at about main and main street
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
