I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
