My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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