I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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