thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
