hell yes lets make some ravioli
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
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I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
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Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize