And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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