We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
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And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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