Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
