Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
