proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's never too late to be topless.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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