I puked a lego.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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