my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
