so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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