We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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