Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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