youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
