what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
