I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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