It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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