zippers are such a cool invention
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
