so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?