Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.