Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
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We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
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see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.