You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"