She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
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We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
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Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?