i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful