hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious